Our Strengths can trigger strong emotions
The strong emotional triggers that come as a result of our unmet needs are differing and unique in each of us, depending on your combination of innate talent patterns and Strengths.
All Strengths have needs and within each of the 34 ‘Talent Patterns’ these needs are unique and different. Recognising your needs and the associated strong emotions that are triggered is one step on the path of creating internal interdependence for yourself and living a balanced life.
A Strength is only a Strength when this is an energy asset for self and others. However, two thirds of weaknesses are misapplied Strengths. This is why it is important to recognise we all have been gifted with Strengths and Talents Patterns and how each of these have differing needs and contributions.
Four types of Dependencies
Simply put, we all fluctuate between feelings of dependency, where we possibly wait for others to tell us how we can contribute and ‘bring’ our Strengths; Independence, where we march off in an effort to fulfil our own needs saying to ourselves that “we don’t require anyone’s help”; and co-dependence, where we find ourselves gossiping with others in an effort to seek people to commiserate regarding what is going on for us.
However, 'Interdependence' is the key to a healthier world. This is where everyone is able to have their needs met and contribute effectively in any given situation or role. If you would like to learn more about how to live an Interdependent life and bring your Strengths with effective Contribution for self and others you can book a complimentary 15 minute session here.
Having our needs met in any one of these three negative ‘dependencies’, can pull us into toxicity, and as a consequence, our actions have far reaching implications and impact on ourselves and others.
However, choosing Interdependence is the idea of becoming consciously aware of what is going on for you, recognising and feeling the emotion, and intentionally choosing to respond, as apposed to react, creating a win/win for self and others.
However we first need to accept that our Strengths have thoughts, feelings and behaviours. What we think becomes our world view, our interpretation (wrong or right) of what we think is going on. This can then trigger our emotions and thus impact how we choose to react or respond affecting our behaviours.
Misunderstandings can ruin relationships so it is imperative to seek clarification. This calls for ‘confident vulnerability’ - humbling ourselves to ask questions, sometimes even calling on ourselves to be brave because not everyone is comfortable dealing with perceived conflict.
The Strength of Harmony, for instance, wants to keep the peace. Command expects others to challenge them. Empathy assumes people will understand how they feel. Includer needs to be included and deep emotion can be trigger when they or others are excluded. These are just four examples of how Strengths differ in terms of their expectations and needs.
Whether we meet our needs negatively or positively, our needs remain regardless
If our needs cannot be met in a positive way, we will find other ways to meet our needs, because our needs remain regardless. What I have notice in my coaching, for instance, is that people with 'Emotional Relationship Building' Strengths have a need for trust, a safe space to express their emotions and deep emotional connection with others, especially loved ones. As an example, a negative way to meet these needs might be engaging in conflict through arguments and fighting or by having an affair. This way emotion is expressed and needs are met, even if in a negative way. Fortunately, for many of us, our values and beliefs can be expressed as a way of preventing such negativity.